flicker
by maravelous
Summary: Vignettes; "Only in your dreams." But nothing's wrong with dreaming. — SasuKarin


**flicker**  
**by mara**

* * *

_There are ways to portray the true intentions of characters through time, action, dynamics, and words. This is a series of thoughts and quick exchanges of dialogue over the course of a beautiful winter day. The world is preparing for winter, the trees are baring themselves of leaves, the snow is beginning to fall, but the sky remains blue and clear and the sun still shines even though no one will look at it…_

* * *

**sasuke:**

**one.**

They said there was always and only one person. Sasuke didn't believe them. Who 'they' were, he didn't even care. There was always that vibe, though, that stupid, made-up myth that there was always one person out there who 'understood' you. Who would 'be there' for you.

_You_. As if anyone cared about a '_you_'. No, there was always a '_me_' in there somewhere. And what was so bad about that? It was _human nature_, to thrive for yourself, wasn't it?

Oh, but so was weeping. And getting angry. And other things. That was human nature. But that wasn't what a Shinobi was supposed to do, was it?

Sasuke didn't expect to change the course of the entire ninja world. But if he could, he would.

One person. One person, always there for you. To love you, to care for you. Oh, and what did the world expect? Who did the world throw at him? _Sakura_. The pink-haired girl with a seven-year-old crush on him that unfortunately never quite wore off.

_"I love you!"_

Sasuke plucked a leaf from a branch that swung in his face indignantly. He glanced to the side at the fire, from the bush he crouched behind. Suigetsu was breathing deeply. Karin was curled around herself. Juugo was nowhere to be found. Sasuke didn't really mind. There was nothing to fear when Juugo was alone. He would find his way back to them eventually, he always did, and he could fend off for himself, as he always did.

Sasuke's gaze lingered on the empty patch beside the fire for a bit. What if that spot had been Naruto's? Sasuke probably would be out in the forest by now, if he was still with him. Searching all over for the twiggy idiot.

Sasuke closed his eyes. He wasn't stupid. He was much better off without them. And they were better off without him. It was better this way.

There was no 'one person'. She'd tried, and she'd failed. Sakura, that idiot! She was almost as stupid as Naruto. Sasuke crumbled the leaf in his fist, and his eyes snapped open again, staring angrily at Karin's glasses, lying off to the side on the ground next to her face. He could see the fire glinting in the glass.

What did the world want of him? What could he offer the world? He was just the 'you', and nothing more.

**sakura:**

**regret.**

'_They say there is one person. They don't tell me what they mean. They just say: There is one person. And I have fallen in love with my one person. Because my one person is meant to be the one that I've fallen in love with._

_I know for sure. My mother told me when I was little: Everyone falls in love once. It doesn't have to be with a person. But it will be with something. And I knew I was going to fall in love. And I fell in love with you, Sasuke. And I don't regret it._

_I will always love you, Sasuke. You know this. And you fear it. I know._

_I know a lot. I know that you don't love me. I know that you'll never love me. I know that Naruto will never stop looking for you, and in my heart, I know that I secretly want to give up. And I want him to give up too. Because I fear that the next time I meet you, you'll try to kill me._

_I know it. You'll try to kill me Sasuke. You'll hesitate at first, because I was your friend. But I was your friend. Not your lover. Not your family. Not your Naruto._

_You'll try to kill me. And in the end you won't regret it. I know._

_And even though it's the middle of the night, I can't sleep. I can't forget you. You scare me, Sasuke, I bet you don't know that. Is that love, really? Fear? Do I really love you?_

_Of course I do._

_There's only one, after all. If not you, who else?_'

**karin:**

**winter.**

"The leaves are falling.

I wish you could see. But you're asleep. You always sleep in late, when it's cold in the morning. I know you.

It's beautiful though. It really is.

Winter has always been my favorite time of year. When the grass turns yellow, and starts to feel hollow between your fingers, like straw. And the leaves start to fall with the snow.

Now that I think about it, it _is_ kind of sad. But it's beautiful. A lot of sad things are.

And it's the most beautiful when the leaves turn red, and orange, and yellow, and the sunset glows behind them in the same colors, so the trees look like they're on fire.

It looks like _fire_.

Oh, but what do you care? I'm just talking to myself over here. You're not listening. You never do. You never care. You don't care about yourself, or anyone, or anything. Nothing but your ambitions, and your revenge, and all because you think it's _right_…

It's sad. I wonder if your memories mean nothing to you. I know my family haunts me every night. But you fear..._nothing_...

I suppose I used to feel fortunate for that. I mistook that for coolness, and I felt that if you cared for your memories, you'd hurry back home. You'd leave me.

I'm…such an idiot…

And I can see it now. Winter will end, and spring will come. Everything will melt. There will be blood in the soil, and the trees will be budding, and even when winter returns again it won't _be_ what I loved anymore. Because the red of the leaves will be fire that consumes everything…

And I still won't have you.

I've always been…like a familiar scent to you, something you can rely on. You need me. But you don't want me. That's all I am. And you're just…

Something else. Something I will never really understand.

But…

Ah, I'm such an idiot.

Because I can see winter returning again, as it is now. I can see me with you. Because the world turns, and the seasons change. And the fire, it's just a candle. Just a lit candle, that smells so good. Like flowers burning. Like dry leaves decaying beneath our feet, being ground into a fine ash beneath ice. Like a familiar scent.

But…

But that's something you'll never understand. You don't care. Because it's what you think is right…

I can look at the trees now for as long as I want, I can lift my head with the sunrise, and I can see everything, and it can all be so beautiful, as beautiful as I want, but you will never see it.

Unless I wake you up. But you wouldn't like that, would you?"

**ino:**

**withering.**

To realize what she was in the first place. That, in itself, was troublesome for Ino. Let alone discovering what _Sakura Haruno_ was, while living with the fact Sakura had left her behind.

Ino stood behind the counter of the flower shop, her elbows propped on the front counter, not busy as she usually was, due to the lack of costumers. Usually there was a long line trickling up to her each day, with men and women eagerly awaiting their perfectly packaged bundle of roses or lilies. So much symbolism, so much beauty. All gone to waste, this day, as Ino just stood and thought to herself distractedly.

Thinking. She'd been doing a lot of that lately.

When she'd first realized how beautiful Sakura really was, it was a peaceful, almost satisfying discovery. A cherry blossom. A bud that had finally bloomed into something gorgeous and successful. Working under Tsunade herself, able to destroy a member of the Akatsuki and get away with her life.

Ino, she had bloomed early. She had been proud of that fact. She was strong, beautiful, and confident, right from the start, and she had been the one that _created _Sakura.

But now, it was all turning around. Why was Sakura stronger than her? Why had Sakura bloomed, though late, into something so much lovelier than Ino? Now, _she_ was the one teaching _Ino_. _She _was the one Sasuke had thanked. _She _was the one Tsunade had chosen. _She_ was the one, always…

It was always her…

It was always _about _her…

Ino's elbow slipped on the counter, and she righted herself with a start, bangs flopping over. Her hand on the wood quivered just a bit, and she stood there lopsidedly, eyes wide, staring down at her fingers.

Ino had bloomed early. And as a cause of that, she had started to die early. She was no longer the one always a step ahead of Sakura. She was no longer the one that was Sakura's equal. She had been surpassed, and now she was so weak it was getting hard to accept that fact.

What in the world were they? The symbols of flowers in the Shinobi life? But sooner or later, all of them had to wither away into what they were meant to be, didn't they? Stems, with drying petals drooping off of their very cores. Shriveling up. Turning into chefs, and farmers, and…meager workers at a family-run flower shop, while the others sprouted for something much more meaningful than them, reaching their heads up to the sun and the rain to get even prettier.

Ino closed her eyes. She could still hear Sakura's voice in her head, telling her Sasuke would be killed. That there was no other way.

Ino knew. She knew now, that she had died long ago, and the girl she'd spent her whole life living above no longer looked up to her.

Sakura Haruno was looking for something much more beautiful than Ino Yamanaka.

**sakura:**

**falling.**

_one._

_two._

_three._

Sakura counted the cherry blossoms falling with the snow as she stood, preparing for what she was about to do. Just wondering. Wondering about her companions. Her past, her present. Her future was just something empty to her now, though. Something predictable.

Either Sasuke would die today, or she would.

She smiled grimly.

_four._

Sasuke Uchiha. The boy she had challenged Ino for.

She wished the competitive streak was back. More than she wanted their friendship to return, she wanted their arguments, their races, their fights, all of what they used to have. Even more than she wanted Sasuke. At least Ino was a start. At least Ino would be getting somewhere.

It was just the feeling of knowing. Knowing there _was_ something to fight for. Not just Sasuke. No, it had never been just Sasuke.

He wasn't just her one, her only, her always. No.

There was always the sense that she wanted to show _Ino_ who she was. She wanted _Ino_ to look up to _her_.

But things had gotten out of hand.

Sakura had succeeded. It was obvious Ino looked up to her now. But because of that they were more distanced than ever.

Sakura felt _too_ powerful, and of course with power came pain, and this was it; losing Ino. Losing the fight by winning it.

What was there to do, now? Why was she training? What used to be something honorable now seemed like mindlessness. She was a flower that only grew in the spot it was placed.

_five._

She never moved. The sunlight could only reach her _here_. There was no point in trying to get out of it, or she'd fail miserably, as usual. She just had to keep going along the path she was dropped in front of from the beginning. It was how to be beautiful.

Ino had been her one chance to escape. To stray away from her pointless plotting of galloping after Sasuke like a hopeless baby calf. Ino could have helped her. Ino showed her freedom.

She'd given her a gift, and Sakura had thrown it back in her face.

Because doing that, that was how to be beautiful.

_six._

Sakura's smile stayed, but inside she felt like she was falling apart.

What was so beautiful about this?

**sasuke:**

**apple.**

He could barely hear her voice. It sounded like it was spoken from far away, a long time ago, and not to him. He felt like he was floating in an ocean of lava in the middle of the world. Everything was numb, but every couple seconds there was a searing, burning wave of pain that rolled through his body.

"Sasuke!"

Definitely her. He could smell her. That same old smell, like apples and pomegranate. Like stepping back in the front door of your house after being away for a long time. It was that same old reliance. Like a comfort in Hell. Rare.

"Here!"

He opened his eyes and saw hers behind her glasses which were slipping on her nose, her face wretched with anxiety. He almost smiled. It was funny, he couldn't believe he wanted to laugh while he was in so much pain. She was worried about him. Well, that wasn't new. He was always being worried about.

"Bite me, hurry!"

He obeyed. He heard her cry of pain. He ignored it, sunk his teeth into her skin. She didn't pull away, she didn't even quiver, it was almost as if she liked it.

"Holy…" Sasuke looked up, and when his eyes opened, it was strange. His sight was darkening. He could barely see Danzo, and kept holding on to Karin's voice saying "This guy doesn't quit!"

Barely able to recognize what he was doing, Sasuke charged forwards again. But Danzo was quick, and before he knew it Sasuke turned over his shoulder to see Karin being held around the neck by the man.

The last thing he heard was Karin's pleading voice saying his name;

"Sasuke…"

The last thing he heard.

Finally he drifted off into darkness. He was still there, but inside of himself he was standing under an apple tree, and he could smell the delicious juices from the ground. It was sunny, and he could see in an apple he held in his hand a bite mark.

A row of his teeth, indented into the smooth skin. Juices oozing out.

And he felt sick to his stomach. He hated himself. Loathed his own body more than anything. Why must he be a burden to someone? He had never worried himself about that before, because before everyone else was a burden to him.

Not this time. Not her. No, she made a point of turning it around the other way, and _she didn't mind_! She didn't mind, which angered him the most.

But he wasn't angry at her. For the first time, he was angry at himself. Not her…

Not her...

But it had to be her. He saw her blood, as he killed her.

Red, like the skin of an apple.

The last thing he saw.

**naruto:**

**sunlight.**

"They tell me that to try and bring back an outcast like you is hopeless, Sasuke.

A long time ago they told me that I would never make a friend, that I would never be respected by the entire village, that I would never become Hokage.

They said;

'Only in your dreams.'

And I said to myself;

'What's wrong with dreaming?'

I remember Iruka reminding me not to look at the sun too long, because it hurts your eyes.

I hope Hinata's watching me again. She can see better than anyone else.

I'm not going to kill you Sasuke. I don't know what I'm going to do. But I'll know when I see you.

If only you could see me like Hinata did."

**sasuke:**

**burden.**

'_The leaves are falling._

_You're pretending to be asleep again. I know it, Karin. I can tell when you're awake. I can feel it._

_Like I feel you. Like I know you. Your touch. Your taste. Your scent…_

_I think you're right. I am an idiot. I know I'm an idiot. I'm just like that Naruto. Maybe idiots should be with idiots. But I've never done what I'm supposed to do…_

_What about you, then? I don't really…_

_I don't really know much…_

_I mean, what am I supposed to know about you? What…what do I want to know…?_

_What is there to know…?_

_I remember, when I first met you, you were just…you._

_You were just you. You, and nothing more. And I didn't care. I only felt a slight bit of, well…pity. Pity, because I know how you feel. You know how I feel. To lose everything, and everyone, and never see them again._

_And here I am now. Doubting myself because of you. Because I don't know what's wrong with me, and I don't know what I'm doing to myself, and I don't know how I feel about you._

_I understand what just happened. I stabbed you. But before that, I bit you._

_I bit you, and all my pain went away._

_I bit you, and I was alive again._

_You held me, and I was alright. I could smell and taste apples, I could smell and taste you, and I could love it all, because it's all so sweet…_

_It's so sweet…_

_And if only I didn't have to take advantage of something sweet to throw off all my pain._

_All this time, everyone who's cared about me has only been holding me back. But now, I'm holding you back. You could have been somewhere else. You could have been someone else. But you're here, and I know you'll never leave me, even when I've done this to you._

_If I was a better person, I'd leave you for you. I'd walk away. I'd take my pain elsewhere, my anger, my suffering. I'd leave the sweet things in life alone._

_I wouldn't be a burden to you anymore._

_But I'm here, and I'm watching you as you pretend to be asleep. And you're a burden to me because I have to think about this. And the leaves are falling. And the fire you started last night is dead._

_The world is dark._

_Karin._'

The last thing he thought.


End file.
